The Charmed Lamia Theatre
proudly presents

Excerpts from a Pub Conversation

[Scenery: Indoors, the Cedar Barrel Pub. The room is dimly lit and scarcely occupied by professional drunkards and scholastic dropouts, both types incidentally indistinguishable. Professor Hael sits at the counter, scribbling on a dirty notebook, unaware of the arriving friend who draws his attention with a tap on the shoulder]

[Alex] Ahoy.
[Hael] Ah! Good evening, mate. [shakes Alex’s hand] What gives?
[Alex] Ah, y’know. Same old story. [lights a cigarette] You know.
[Hael] Is that good or bad?
[Alex] [absentmindedly] I really do not know anymore.
[Hael] Alright, brother! Let us drink to the insurmountable ambiguities of life!
[Alex] [chuckling] Yeah, I’ll second that.
[Hael] [turning to the bartender] Lucien, booze! Clean glasses this time, you bloody maniac!
[Bartender] Coming up!
[Hael] So. What’s the story?
[Alex] What story?
[Hael] Yeah right. [mockingly] “Wot stor-ey?”. Cut off the silly acting, and spit it out.
[Alex] Seriously, man.
[Hael] [impatient] Shit, Alex, you are one difficult bastard. You want to be like that? Be like that! Fuck it all.
[Alex] Whoa, mister. Pipe down, okay? Okay? We’re going to talk. Damn it, everyone’s on the verge of psychotic breakdown these days.
[Hael] [laughing] That’s my lad. I was just messing with you – even though sometimes… [Hael’s voice disappears into unintelligible babbling]

[Lucien places a couple of glasses half filled with a yellowish liquid on the counter]

[Bartender] There ye go, gents. Mind the silk napkins. [winks as he wipes the huge, unkempt moustache with his dirty apron]
[Hael] Go find the rest of yer tribe already, ye anthropomorphic mongrel!

[Lucien retreats into the kitchen, chortling with gusto]

[Alex] So. Let me ask you something.
[Hael] Shoot.
[Alex] [tentatively] D’you reckon I’m alienated?
[Hael] [pauses in mid-thought, a puzzled look on his face]
[Alex] Or demented?
[Hael] [casually] Well, yeah. Sort of.
[Alex] Sort of?!
[Hael] But despite that, you are a fairly decent human being.
[Alex] [resentful] Well THANK you!
[Hael] Why did you ask me that, anyway?
[Alex] Oh, just something my mother said to me today.
[Hael] [twitching his nose] She called you demented AND alienated?
[Alex] Yup. Embarrassing, I know. Worst thing is – she meant it.
[Hael] That’s cold.
[Alex] [empties his glass, nodding] Hmrf.
[Hael] But I didn’t think you gave a rat’s ass ‘bout what other people think of you.
[Alex] I don’t, usually. But, you know, parents are the people who are supposed to be supportive and understanding beyond all rational thought.
[Hael] And you didn’t see that coming?
[Alex] Nah, it’s really not such a big surprise, I mean – I don’t know why I’m letting this get to me. Perhaps it’s her choice of words.
[Hael] [with a friendly chuckle] Don’t take it too hard, though. You’re the one who said “Being crazy is like being cool. The more you want to be, the less you are”.
[Alex] Your point being…?
[Hael] You’ve attained a status that you could never reach merely through rational effort. You are crazy, my friend! Cheers! [raises a hearty toast]
[Alex] [grinning] Some comfort.
[Hael] By analogy, you might even have become cool.
[Alex] You think so?
[Hael] Not really. Got you going right there, eh?
[Alex] Fucker.